I named her Greta.
A conversation between Josh and I tonight…
Me: I just feel horrible. That poor little raccoon, being attacked like that.
Josh: Well, maybe it was consensual. Just some raccoon sex gone wrong.
Me: (with a light bulb going off over my head) Oh my gosh. Maybe they didn’t have a SAFE WORD! Or maybe that was the sound she was trying to make that we kept hearing last night, but it’s raccoon-speak, so it was hard for him to tell that she wanted him to stop.
Josh: (silence)
Me: (insert awkward raccoon rape noises here.)
In additional animal rape news, a friend, who I am going to assume would like to stay anonymous, for obvious reasons, just emailed me about the ducks at her house that are apparently very aggressive. She said she had to chase off a male duck the other day and that she witnessed a DUCK GANG RAPE recently. You can read more HERE.
(I promise not to talk about animal sex anymore. Really. Promise.)
04/25/2012 at 9:08 pm |
You are so going to get some interesting traffic after all this. Oh! Wait! Maybe that was the plan all along: think up some bizarre story that you can legitimately post on a family website so that you can include awesome buzz search words. Brilliant!
04/25/2012 at 9:14 pm |
This should be an interesting exercise in SEO, for sure…
04/25/2012 at 9:14 pm |
You should look up Isabella Rosalini’s short films green porno…. Words cannot describe how weird they are but I did learn a lot about other animals reproductive activities. The one on ducks will give you some insite to your friends story.
04/25/2012 at 9:18 pm |
Dude. Earlier I came up with this great line about how double bagging it is a term only reserved for condoms (shoot, I just gave it away), and now there’s a picture. Aaa-amazing.