I named her Greta.
A conversation between Josh and I tonight…
Me: I just feel horrible. That poor little raccoon, being attacked like that.
Josh: Well, maybe it was consensual. Just some raccoon sex gone wrong.
Me: (with a light bulb going off over my head) Oh my gosh. Maybe they didn’t have a SAFE WORD! Or maybe that was the sound she was trying to make that we kept hearing last night, but it’s raccoon-speak, so it was hard for him to tell that she wanted him to stop.
Me: (insert awkward raccoon rape noises here.)
In additional animal rape news, a friend, who I am going to assume would like to stay anonymous, for obvious reasons, just emailed me about the ducks at her house that are apparently very aggressive. She said she had to chase off a male duck the other day and that she witnessed a DUCK GANG RAPE recently. You can read more HERE.
(I promise not to talk about animal sex anymore. Really. Promise.)